This week, I considered blogging about my overall dissatisfaction with my yoga teacher training program. GASP. I know, how could I say that, right? All we ever hear (or at least I do) is “Oh, YTT changed my LIFE!!!”
I had high expectations for my program. I was expecting something life changing. And for the last 8 weeks, I’d be lying if I said I was anything other than “meh” about it. And the “meh” feeling makes me wonder what is wrong with me, because everyone else in my program seems to be soaking it all in like an olive floating around in a martini.
But last week during a Happy Hour rant session with a friend, she brought up an interesting point. Many people who are drawn to yoga and yoga teacher training are looking to “find themselves”. Let’s face it- we are all on some inner journey for peace and enlightenment to a degree. But sometimes we have a tendency to seek happinenss and peace when really, all we need is what we have NOW and who we are in the present moment.
And so I’ve done some thinking, and while I can certainly say that I definately don’t have all my shit figured out, I can solidly say that I know myself, and that I have peace, happiness and enlightenment. I don’t need to “find myself”- I’m pretty clear on who I am, and I’m really happy with that. I consider myself “found”.
Which makes YTT a bit difficult. It’s not shaking the foundation of everything I know. It’s not making me question everything. It hasn’t changed my spiritual beliefs, it hasn’t changed my physical body (seriously, there is SO MUCH SITTING AROUND…….. I was NOT expecting that) or my level of fitness, it hasn’t created more peace- it really hasn’t done anything for me- THUS FAR. And in a way, I guess I’m grateful for that- because it makes me realize that my life is pretty damned good as it is.
Now, all of that said, I FINALLY feel that we’re starting to get into stuff that I can USE. 8 weeks later. The first 8 weeks of YTT has been, basically “Yoga 101”- I haven’t really learned how to TEACH yoga, but I know a lot about it now. But last night we workshopped the art of sequencing- stringing poses together for a 60, 75 or 90 minute class- and what that looks like.
And let me tell you, I have a newfound respect for my yoga teachers- it is NOT EASY to come up with a 60 minute vinyasa flow that’s creative, that’s balanced and that will be well-received. (On a side note, it is NOT easy to draw stick figures as your base plan for your classes- granted, I failed art in high school, but who would have thought that drawing stick figures would be my biggest challenge in YTT thus far?)
So we got together in mini groups and came up with some creative, feel-good standing series flows. It only took two months, but I finally started to feel like I was learning how to TEACH yoga, not just learning about yoga. So finally a YTT win!
Of course, despite all of the “meh” I’m complaining about, I have to say that the upcoming month looks more challenging. We’ve got some community service hours to do, as well as a “Yoga in Life” project (basically it’s our final project- think graduate school thesis). So remind me of this the next time I say “meh”.
Additionally, I encourage you to take a look at your life NOW- stop searching for happiness, peace, joy and enlightenment. Because you probably already have it. It’s here, it’s now, and it’s you.